14th August

On this August day on which no great act occurred worthy of commemorating as an On This Deity entry, let’s take this opportunity to remind ourselves of the two ancient world tyrants – Julius Caesar and Augustus Caesar – both of whom forced upon the 10-month calendar two brand new months, named for themselves, thus forever skewing everything that had already occurred by displacing the seventh month (September) into the ninth place; the eighth month (October) into tenth place – and likewise with November and December.

This misappropriation of the world’s timepiece – surely the emotional property of the population – by two gargantuan egos is a perfect example of the lawless grotesqueries perpetrated against humanity whenever it takes its eye off the ball and lets the tyrant have his way. 2000 years later, due to their shameless opportunism, we are still forced to invoke the names of these two redundant emperors every summer.

So on a day when we don’t have anything to celebrate, it is worth remembering that all too often our world is changed purely on the whim of leaders too obsessed with laying down their historical markers and too remote to be challenged. You turn your back for a minute and you’ve got two more months of taxes to pay to the fucking government. Now ain’t that a cautionary tale!

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